The Gift of Strength
Notes from the Deep End
Parenthood, to me, was like a giant swimming pool. I saw other people in the pool and they looked okay. And, tentatively, I put my foot in the water. Suddenly, someone grabbed me from behind and threw me in the deep end of the pool. In the deep end! How unfair!
For Such a Time As This
The room started spinning, my eyes were burning with tears. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Surely, I hadn’t heard him right. It just couldn’t be. I had never imagined being a
mom to a baby with Down syndrome. Teaching children with Down syndrome from nine to five was one thing: Having to live with and parent a child with special needs every day was quite another.
Travels with Brendan
Admittedly, my Brendan is no saint. Being a toddler, Brendan finds it amusing to hide his shoes, empty every drawer within reach, dump the food from the cats’ bowls, and bathe in the dog’s water dish. But just like Saint Brendan, my Brendan is a navigator. Lucky for me! Since his arrival in my life was also a departure into unfamiliar lands, I need someone with his skills to help guide my way.
For James
James and I moved to Washington, DC, and made a fresh start. I had no family there and no friends to help at first. Luckily, I had a little boy who needed me to be strong. That kept me going through the many challenges we faced together.
Nourishment
I was determined to make breastfeeding work with Sean, as I had already experienced the powerful bonding it creates with my fir was more than physical nourishment; it was an important part of our family uniting together.
Matthew’s Secret
My pregnancy had been typical, with regular check-ups, and routine tests that all came back normal. I’d had several ultrasounds, all normal. During one of these exams, we saw the most amazing view of the baby, smiling. The technician caught the image and produced a photograph for us. We couldn’t take our eyes off that face, that smile. It was like he had a secret and shortly we would all be in on it.
Lifting Each Other
One of the first things I did when I found out was go on-line and look for information and pictures of children with Down syndrome. I was looking especially for African-American children, because I needed to know how Down syndrome “looked” on people with my complexion. I
could barely find any! I did not see a lot of these children out and about, and I was shocked at how few of us were in print. I felt like we were the only ones in the African-American community going through this.
The School of Life
When my son was born with Down syndrome, it felt as though someone had enrolled me in college: The School of Life. I didn’t want to be in school, but my son was in charge. He knew exactly what I needed to learn.
Fight the Good Fight
I was only twenty-three years old. I had no idea what Down syndrome meant. The doctor wanted to keep Madison hospitalized for ten days, with the hope that we wouldn’t want her and she could be given to one of many people on a waiting list. Sold, actually—for $30,000. All I knew was I needed to take her home—immediately! And I did.
The Dream
At that time I was a single mom, in a relationship that couldn’t last and shouldn’t last, and I was pregnant with a baby that was to be less than perfect, a baby that I knew would have a damaged heart, and might have more problems as well. After the dream, I knew that Henry was my baby and his message to me was that he would be fine. In fact, he would be more than fine—he would be wonderful.
We Are Not Alone
There was no one that understood what we were going through, no one to tell us what we could expect. I spent many hours pouring over books from the library and searching the Internet for information. I found myself in a state of information overload–there was just too much information out there, and a lot of it felt so very negative. Was this the way it would really be? A lot of the books were written along time ago, how much had changed since then?
Where There’s A Will, There’s A Way
I grew up a quarter mile from a school and residence for mentally retarded children. As I held my minutes-old son, images of those polyester-clad, drooling children filled my mind and heart. They had been taken out of society and placed in that institution and there they simply existed, with all their odd behaviors. Those kids had scared me. My life is over, I thought. If things couldn’t be perfect, it was not worth the struggle. I wanted it to be over.
Emma Sage
As I watch this friendship blossom, I see a living treasure, a gift that builds and grows as the days roll forward. It is proof of the power of give-and-take. There is a slight difference in their genetic makeup, but that does not hinder their relationship. Instead, their strengths and weaknesses are bridged when they are together. They are unstoppable.
