The Gift of Perspective
Beginning
I finally asked the doctor to stop talking while I tried to take in what he had said: My son has Down syndrome. Impossible! I’d had a fabulous pregnancy, a healthy delivery, and our wonderful new baby had scored high on his Apgar test. It can’t be true. I remember digging into the pit of myself and trying to remove this entire circumstance—to make it go away—to return to the time before Liam’s doctor walked into the room, before our world had changed.
Entertaining Angels
In our weekly Easter Seals play group, we sang songs I’d been singing with my seven other kids for years, only now we used sign language as well. I gazed around the circle at the other mother/infant pairs, knowing I was seeing things fresh and new—not as I would have seen them before Jonny.
Defining Moments
“Your son has Down Syndrome.” Up until this moment, Ken was convinced everything was fine. But I wasn’t. Head spinning, can’t think. Be strong. I try to fight the tears. I can’t. I love my baby, but I can’t help but feel cheated. My family will be so sad. Will they still love him? Will they still celebrate his birth? I must put on a brave face—it’s the only way I can hang on to the last scraps of my life as it gets pulled away from me.
Slow Motion
My favorite thing to do when I was little was participating in field day at school. I loved racing the other kids, playing kick ball and tug-of-war. I played basketball and softball all my life, running up and down the courts and hitting balls pitched at me at 70 mph. All the kids who were slow or who couldn’t hit the pitches didn’t make the teams. I never wanted my own children to be too slow.
When the Other Shoe Drops
Having learned from books and even first-hand accounts of the unusual and sometimes difficult dynamic of being a twin, I was mind-boggled at the prospect of also throwing a disability into the mix. Before I’d even changed either of their diapers for the first time, I was already strategizing the best way to handle future birthday parties.
Ups and Downs
About an hour after we met with the doctors, some of our family came to visit. Through tears, we told them of the doctors’ suspicions. “I’m sorry,” they said. Even though we were devastated, we did not want people feeling sorry for us. At the same time, it felt weird for people to say, “Congratulations!” I thought to myself, Congratulations for what? Nobody asks for their child to be born with Down syndrome, so why would anyone congratulate me for that?
Miracle Man
I was not willing to give in to my desire to be all-knowing if it would risk my son’s best interest. No doctor, no person of any kind would tell me that they would not do anything to save my child. I told my doctors to book me in the most advanced hospital and get ready for anything. They would be prepared to give my child every chance he deserved.
Stepping Out
On Luke’s third birthday, a longtime family friend told us they would like for Luke to be the ring bearer at their wedding, and for his sister Grace to be the flower girl. We were flattered and immediately accepted their offer. After they left, my first thoughts were that they must be crazy. I thought the only option for Luke to participate would be to have someone pull him down the aisle in a wagon.
Lucky
Without opening her eyes she reached her hand toward me. As soon as her little fingers touched my arm, her body relaxed again. She needed me, and I needed her. She was ten days old, and I was finally beginning to feel like the mother I so badly wanted to be for her.
Nolan: A Little Dream
Nolan truly is the light of our lives. Yet as much as I hate to admit it, I did not always feel this way. When we found out shortly after Nolan’s birth that he had Down syndrome, we were shocked. Our dreams for the future seemed shattered. We thought our lives would never again be normal.
The Eighth-Grade Dance
The dance was to be held in the courtyard of the school on a warm Friday evening. I rushed home early from work that afternoon and picked up Alex up from school, because I knew that, like any teen, he would be spending a lot of time preparing for the event. Excitement was in the air immediately.
What I Know Now
For the first while you’re going to feel like this is all being left up to you, and that you’re alone in the world with this big decision to make. You have never thought about abortion in terms of yourself before, but then again there was never a situation like this before.
